Obsessed with Spelling Bee

The pangram was ETYMOLOGY!

Dear Mom,

I still think of something that I want to talk to you about every single day. Usually more than once.

It’s Sunday morning and we’re up at the mountain house. Your mountain house, that is now ours, which is weird.

It’s freezing. So I’m by the fire reading and writing, looking out the window at the snowy mountains. You’d be right next to me on the big, new couch if you were here.

I was reading in the NYT about the cease-fire that’s starting today between Israel and Gaza. The devastation of this war has been horrific. The photos and videos are gutting. And peace feels so elusive. I want to talk to you about all of it.

When I felt like I could no longer bear the news weighing on my heavy-grief-heart, I opened up Spelling Bee - our favorite, daily distraction. The pangram was so freakin’ hard to find (we’d have been texting about that).

And then, there it was…. ETYMOLOGY!! “The study of the origin of words and the way in which their meanings have changed throughout history.”

Mom, the pangram is etymology! What the?! I only know that word because of you. You were obsessed with the idea of words, their origins, and their impact. And I guess I am a bit too, actually.

So then, Spelling Bee brought me right back to thinking of you and wanting to talk to you again.

Now, almost 7 months since you died, I can feel a bit of happy with the sad. I’m glad for that.

And don’t worry, I’m not sad all the time. I know how much you’d hate it if I were 🙂 You always said that your greatest weakness as a mom was “being too attached to your kids’ happiness.”

I’m okay mom. I miss you and dad so much it hurts. I’m questioning the meaning of everything, as I navigate a life without either of you. As I figure out what I want to do, who I want to be, how I want to serve in this second half of my life… and I don’t have either of your counsels in the inquiry.

But, I’m okay.

Thanks for sending me etymology today. It made me smile.

I love you.

Sage